Thursday, April 24, 2008

ceramah-another 2 days spoiled.

well lets define ceramah...ceramah is a malay word used in malaysia and english is a speech...well ppl usually give speech on special occation..wheather its a annual dinner, opening ceremony...hehe...

well y i say all these is because i got a speech yesterday..well the speech first line is sorry...after tat i decided not to read it already...y would i read it???well guess who sent me the speech??not dr..dr won send me one cos he dunno one...well is the other person....the one i mentioned in the early blog..starting from the 4th paragraph starting "sat"...well..let me say one one listen to speech one...if the person listen to speech...the feller got problem i dun wanna be the problem i not readin ur bein a non problem feller...i jus read the first sentence and X the whole chatbox.cos at least have to listen a bit when feller giving i read a bit...

so i got sien..decided to go out...went for lunch wit grandma danny and gracy..i had a good lunch..good time relaxin with the three of them...den when i come back...the second speech came in...mashya-allah...second speech?!!!!???kee siao ah??even pak lah onli speech one time la...u 2x??u better than pak la is it???sorry la..the moment i see is ur speech..i X u know??X!!!!its not worth readin ur speech...i cant accept the thing.....i have never seen a person like u in my life..and i dun intend to do so..yet....unless u really changed...and i can freakin..get it right...FREAKIN accept u as a fren la...i dun think u even existed....

another day spoiled...suppose to be my hols...and u spoil 2 days...well tues...i went out to lunch..wit grandma ivan donald aaron gracy....manatau u came luckily i delevoped pretend u not there attitude...i jus pretend u not there....everything went on well..i dun care u and luckily u know how to zap sang...u din care had lunch...den walk around...den i had to check up some stuff cos goin to genting...i so look forward to tat trip...till i forgotten tat u there...mana tau when we were checkin stuff to drink..u came and talk to me..say i drink wat...terus potong one big axe potong it...hilang dah satu...sien...hhaha....well..tats not it...den at nite u came and drink alcohol wit us...think u so steady ah??drink drink...say not enough...dun drink like goldfish la...deng....think u so on ah?padahal u getting wank(means high)..still wanna drink..summore wanna drink absine...u wan wat?wank not good already ah??wanna get halusinate ah??later u jump out of the building who gonna stop u?god ah?dun test god la..u wanna get it at home la...

well....jus conclude it a nutshell...i still cannot believe that u disrespect ppl tat day..i tot u changed last time..well gueess i am wrong..well just tell u la...i still cannot accept the things u did..and basically i cannot accept u...unless u show me u really changed..den i shall accept u..or else sorry la..cos i am deeply disappointed and sadly to say pissed still....u know who are change urself....

Sunday, April 20, 2008

things in this week

well lets start off with Monday....well i decided to start my day on sunday to do my work...i really had a bad day on sunday....i did not like every min of it..and all of it sucks..i got really sick of it...damn it man...well...the day was tiring...din sleep on sun nite...doin the assignment..well monday came...i had a day of work..dull....worked like mad..den i decided to take a break...overslept..damn again...

had to work at nite..well i din i did my work until the next day 10am...i finished my assignment....well i think i did ok....den went to consult my lecturer on tues to see my proposal can not...den rejected..mon also rejected...2x in a week..had to redo in a nite...damn man what is this..i had to have a meeting on the net..dude...this is crazy....not to mention tat, i was too tired and missed my class on wed....den have to meet the lecturer to check out my proposal...mashya-allah..she rejected again...den this time out of desperation i had to copy a little from past year..(plagiarism)..but it was approved....are u sure this can ah??den after sent to curtin..den it was approved...thank god...that was least i got something to be happy about...den friday..i had a day relaxing...hehe..

but the day was spoiled when i found out tat u are really a useless guy...u eat shit sleep go out and come back for 3 whole months and do not find house knowin that we wanna move out..furthermore u are the one that wanna move out at you are saying that u wanna move in my place wit me...sorry...piss off...your attitude for wanting to not take responsibility really pisses me are much more older den me and u do not even take bit of responsibility to get a job and earn your own income...u did not even finish ur degree??ppl at ur age are married, have a steady job and income...and u wait for manna to drop from heaven?take bit of responsibility..i wish to wack u tat nite when u talk bout responsibility....summo u wanna claim the utility fees...and u say these things are arguable??comon man..u really suck wat kinda thing is that??your theory?paloi nya kao ni!!!goblok!...let me tell u...if i had the chance..i really wack u..until now i still wanna wack u...i am so fed up wit u and ur attitude..i hope i wont work with u...and do not approach me...i won..until i die also i won approach u for help.....secondly..u use my things like nothing..bugger.u have money to spend on watchin movie..belanja ppl eat pizza..cant buy shampo and soap ah??asshole i took ur soap and shampoo bottle also nothing in it...and my bar of soap got thinner so fast..suppose to last 2 months and now already wanna finish...i so feel like muster bating into my shampoo (which U also used without my permission) so that u use and feel wierd..but i am not like tat...screw u and piss off ass-wipe...

sat...another great day spoiled...u come and u spoil my day..i was supposed to have a great day...really..cos my ex gf (ming kee) is comin to church..i was so surprised and happy....although i did say if she appear den i shall belanja her...well she did appear and i belanja her drink...hehe..and ken too...thanks for bringin her..but u?u think u very the big ah??came here and created a havoc out of it..worst of all u piss me of by not respecting people..which i paling pantang one..until now i still mad at u...and no mood to talk to dun think of talkin to me..and i also won look at u...u spoiled my dinner and my time wit my grandma..sumore she is leavin for good....kureng kao...

sun..ok la the day....except have to see u again cos lunch u wanna come...piss off la u....and at nite see u cos u are usher...wat kind....i din know u will take "responsibility"...screw me sideways..but i have to ask...u know how to take responsibility after 3 months of eat shit sleep and not findin work and a new place to stay?I AM SURPRISED ASS-WIPE!!FREAKIN SURPRISED!!that is all that happen....wat a week...

Sunday, April 13, 2008

dear mom...

today i was resting at home around 4+...cos i din sleep last nite..den i decided to go home right after lunch to rest...but ended up doin assignments..which i was proud of la..but anyways i had to rest..cos machine i sleep la...den i was waken up by my ringtone..i tot was an alarm..but so ngam i took a look at it...den i found out tat it was the home i decided to pick was mom...gladness swept me cos we did not communicate for a long time..din talk on the phone really long..the time we talk on the phone was on jan..besides tat is all bout talking business..never catch up...and she never calls me since then..i had to call back sometimes when i needed was really wierd..something was not right...the way i feel...when my mom don call..something is not either i did something wrong or she is hiding something from me...

although she called me tat afternoon...we did not catch up wit each other...she jus asked me about my reload card ting...that time i sense tat she sound different...she sounded grave instead of cheerful....i knew somethin was not right....i start to think..thinkin at a fast rate brings u far...very very far..i dunno where i went...but i knew it was not my mistake cos the tone that she uses was not the angry or pissed off tone..its a sad tone...i knew something is happening to the family....on the phone she told me tat she went for a body check up...den doc found that there is something not rite...she has to go for a scanning.she is goin to kk on wednesday for scanning (jus in case u are wondering what's wrong..its a private thing..she told me what it is..but i decided not to disclose here...u can find me if u wanna know what's wrong..i won't mind telling u if u are sincere)..

this thing gripped me...cos wat i was told..the thing might be deadly..u know..things growin in the body which is never there before may be deadly...i have already think until very far...until dunno where la...gets me worried like mad....i dunno wat to do besides praying and waiting..i am still not ready to let my mom go back up yet..she need to see me graduate,marry and see her grandchildren before i would let her go.there are lots of things i still haven ask for her forgiveness yet...but...decision is not belongs to HIM...what can i say besides saying Aharen loabi ve mom???

mom said that i need to claim psalms it is:

Psalms 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]

2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."

here i have claimed it already..go in peace to kk mom...i will be waitin for the news...hope it won be deadly...i dun wan it to be like "tai yee" and "yi yi"....will be prayin for u and will be waiting for the news...Aharen loabi ve mom...


i been thinking alot....especially today..summore last nite din sleep (again??dude u are a hero)...later never enough sleep...yea today just sleep like 2-3 hrs....consider an afternoon nap after not now le...i am wide awake...although i had a skol...damn man its refereshin....

the things i am thinkin....this was wat happen to me last nite when i was thinkin...suddenly my heart start to speak..i dun believe it but the shit happen:

dude cant u think properly???why in the world are u so obliging??cant u think twice before makin a decision???you have made everyone hard because u cant make a decision....put ppl into places where they don't want to..cause them to suffer...i know u dun mind sufferin..but cant u think bout other ppl??you are so freakin selfish...damn man...dont u wanna see ppl happy??i thought tats wat u like to see..but u don make them happy...u drag them down instead....makin their life on man think!

secondly are u blind??u look like one...u are one who does not know the direction of his life...comon man..u are 22 this year and u dunno wat u wan in life???u wanna waste your life ah??wat the hell....ppl start workin lo..cant u see??u still studyin..den u think u have the future wit u...u think u can see future???u kie siao one...onli God can see future...if u can see..u are god la...bodoh...summore u blindly go do alot of things....things that hurt ppl...cant u see ppl got feel also??y keep forcing??u think ppl like kena force??sialan...dude feel the damn eyes...stop pretending being a pretender....u are not blind and pretend to be one..tats y u become blind...really blind...until insensitive to pll's feelings...i would call u the rich fool!!!

OPEN YOUR EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!

i guess its worth to be scolded by myself...i am an idiot....damn...

what am i doin

its 5am in the morning and i am not sleeping yet...cant sleep..summore i have to serve later in church..playing for service...guess i won be sleeping...cant sleep so wat the hell....i decided to open some stuff to watch....after opening..i decided tat i should laugh a i opened youtube to look at some pranks...there is this japanese prank is so funny...dude just type japanese pranks and u can see it all..all so funny...i cant stop its good to laugh...haven been laughin like tat...i laugh until no sound come out...hehe....well i wanted to load the video but i would be a list of websites to show u the pranks the japanese did...

there are more at other places...just like things tat we would never think of they made it up and have a good it...have a good laugh and leave me the comments.thanks...enjoy..

Thursday, April 10, 2008

everythin you did

last nite....when i was doing my freakin stress man...cos the piece of shit cant be done properly..summore i could not find any good stuff to put into my assignment..summore the due date is at 5pm today...celaka...they want good things for the assignment.....sialan hard....

when i was stressin and all..u came and talk to me...start tellin me stuff....and started to chat with me on the internet...on msn....i was so busy tat time...stressin my self and gonna blow up soon..but when u start to talk to me...u kept me me to do my work..and i got focused on my assingment....talkin to u was fun too...although tat time i did not disturb u as u were stress up bout something...talkin to u got me goin..hehe...also u encouraged me so much....when i was down...u were there...when i was depressed...u were there...when i cant move myself..u were there.....u were there to share half my me to live on...many times i wanna give up because i was so fed up..but u were there....helpin me...though sometimes i dun know....u were there helpin me..

i have never met someone like u (besides my best friends). you are so helpful.....some more say that u will always be there to help cheer me up...this is something that shocked me so much and encouraged me....u really made my day tat day when u told me....i got encouraged...cos my last encouragement was dunno like how long ago...for all u done to me...i wanna thank you....i won say your know who are you....thanks for everything...

hate assignments of my assignments is done...celaka betul....freaking hard the assignment..the lecturer also crazy...gave such hard assignments...gila kah u??wanna kill the students ah??i never did so hard assignments before...summore need to find journal...not 1 but 2??u think very easy ah???cant u give us easier questions to do???crazy curtin lecturers..i tot u all were good...looks like i am wrong....what can i do??i am enrolled to one of your stupid branches in malaysia....Metropolitan least the lecturers are better here...they are kinder and more helpful.......basket....i freakin hate assignments...u kill me slowly...because of u...i cannot sleep..i eat more..and stress more...killing 3 words I HATE ASSIGNMENTS!!!!!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008


remembered talking to someone close tat day...jus remembered that today...i have a test in a few hrs time...but i decided to cool off and blog for a least i got something to do...

now back to the topic..i was called blinded by my fren....said tat i am blinded cos i cant good fren here say that i am not physically blinded...but mentally(i think)...cos we talked bout some serious shit tat 2 days ago..this kind fren of mine rebuked me..told me tat i am blinded....

am i really blinded mentally?my this fren is right..i cant see properly(mentally)....every step now is like tryin to walk in pitch dark..cant see anything...i feel it..strongly...will i be blind forever??

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

This is Metallica...where i got my song entitled nothing else matters....they rock...forever....i will love each of their songs......follow them....

nothing else matters

yesterday after a brief painful encounter...i decided to listen to music....jus to cool it i started to browse my music...i saw this song that i did not listen to after a very long i double clicked it...and started to listen to it...after listening for a while...i start to get addicted to it..the song is really good...everything was done well...of course..its a heavy metal band...metallica...the song name is nothing else matters..the song goes like this:
So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know
So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters
after listening to the song a few makes me think of life....i really started to think back.until last year....have there been any happiness??am i living a good life??after thinking thoroughly...damn it man..i am living a piece of shit nowdays is really screwed..where is the happiness??isn't life suppose to have happiness and sadness??how come i am experiencing sadness more than happiness???for the past year...i have never been really happy..jus a bit and den gone...jus like a little fire being put out by a big damn pail of icy cold water...gone in a snap replaced by sadness..huge ones....freakin dragging me down man...den wat the hell is life for??to come into this world to suffer???where is the love?? cant be felt...i don feel any love...if my parents love me...why would they have shitloads of probs between them??causing my sis to depress??if there is love....y cant i feel it???is there really love in this world.....if there is...point it to the direction where i can see...cos i dun see it anymore....sooner or later...the word love would be erased from my life...better go down than up....stay low..later go up...drop down my ass like shit....freaking pain....
damn man..i FREAKIN WANNA BE HAPPY!!!cant i taste it for a little bit??cant i embrace it...enjoy it and give it back later???AM I TO SUFFER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE?????IF THAT IS THE CASE, LET ME FREAKIN SUFFER!!!!!!!!FOR NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!!!!!!